I think being in love with someone who’s equally in love with you is an underrated privilege that’s not talked about enough. If you are one of those people, congratulations. I was never one of you.

I was always the type of person who couldn’t care less about love and relationships. Until lately I feel tired of not having a permanent home. I’m tired of going out with someone I don’t have deep feelings for. But I’m also tired of being taken for granted by the ones I do have feelings for. I’m tired of this endless karma cycle of treating someone who genuinely loved me poorly, while chasing after someone who didn’t care about me after all. So yes, I’ve been an Anahaim but also been a Backburner.

I never realized how lucky people who are in love are, until a couple of days ago when I talked to a friend about his six-year relationship. He spoke passionately about how still deeply in love he is despite being in the relationship for so long. He was talking about how lucky he is to have felt the feeling of being madly in love. He perfectly described something I have never felt before. And in that moment I knew, not many people are lucky enough to experience that kind of love.

As someone who usually keeps my feelings to myself and doesn’t show vulnerability, I value romantic relationships a lot. Because a person who seems to be heartless is the one who loves the most. A person who seems to be emotionless is someone who feels the most. Deep down, I was always a hopeless romantic. So when I do feel love, I appreciate it.